I went out to my 4Runner this morning and turned the key. The engine reared up like it was about to explode. I threw up my hands. I looked around the dash. I scrambled to turn it off before the car and I went up in a ball of flames.
I got out. I looked under the running board. Like I knew what was going on down there. I turned the key again and it sounded the same. I called my father-in-law. We agreed it had to be the exhaust system, but I'd just had that replaced. Maybe something had popped loose? I tried it again. A woman sauntered over from the Catholic school across the street.
"Someone stole your catalytic converter, eh?"
"I don't know," I said. "Did they?"
"Yup. They crawl right under there and cut it out. They can sell it for about a hundred bucks. Happened to me last year. You can see it if you look."
Well, fuck. I relayed all of this to my father-in-law who quickly called his usual automotive consultant. My father-in-law called me back with a plan to try to buy an aftermarket replacement. His consultant said it would cost a quarter of the price.
Now I know I need to call my insurance, and I need to call a few shops to try to find the best price on a replacement, but FIRST I had to get on here and blog about this and let everyone know that I'm writing a song about my stolen catalytic converter and would like YOUR help with the lyrics.
This is the first ever lyric writing contest sponsored by Logomancers & Logodaedalists, and aside from the bragging rights associated with being a pioneer, you will also receive a citation when the song is published on this blog and up to $100,000 cash depending on my assessment of of the value of your contribution.
Please feel free to leave your lyrics in the comments below or email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also contribute your lyrics by contacting me on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn. Contributors with automotive expertise and wonky imaginations are especially invited to submit. *Submissions are now CLOSED. Winners will be posted next week along with a literary analysis by one of L&L's resident experts.