Why have you not been writing on your terrible blog? Have you been cowering in the shower with this other fearful man, Mr. Pantslessness? Perhaps you have not heard of Yuvi Zalkow, but he is the only other artist in this world who has so much fear as you. But let me ask you this, and you can ask Yuvi if you do not know the answer, but the answer is NO ONE, and the question is: who out there is going to hurt you if you show them the full power of your work? This is not something your fear will admit. If it did, your fear would die, and your fear does not want to die. Your fear is also a coward.
I am going to read this new book by Yuvi. It is called A Brilliant Novel in the Works, and you should read it, too, because even though he is full of fear, there is much power in this Yuvi Zalkow. Then maybe when I am free of this place, I will come to your house and we can have a book club meeting, and we will invite Yuvi and the two of you can cry about how hard writing is and how sad you are that no one wants to read your writing and how you have to go to therapy when the truth is that this is not the truth because I will read your writing because there is nothing to do here except look through the bars on the window because no one will play me in ping pong anymore because they are afraid to lose and also they are afraid to get stabbed in the neck with my Blade of Fury which is also a pen that they take away from me, but they do not know that the Blade of Fury returns to my pocket because of its magical properties.
Here my latest painting.
I punch you in the face with it even though I am loving you so much my heart is swelling up and gagging me in the back of the throat.
Wow, Lars. I had no idea you were also awaiting the release of A Brilliant Novel in the Works. For you Logomancers and Logodaedalists out there who haven't yet heard of Yuvi Zalkow, you should go straight away to his blog and check out his I’m-a-Failed-Writer Video Series. Yuvi’s got a great perspective, an awesome sense of humor, and creative talent in spades. I know this book is going to knock Cousin Lars’ hiking sandals off, and I think you'll like it, too.