Saturday, September 21, 2013

How to Build Shit

I've been thinking a lot lately about making things. I picture an open garage, maybe in Southern California, and I'd have all kinds of tools in there and scraps of stuff I'd salvaged from the ocean or maybe just the regular trash, and I don't know exactly what I'd build but probably it would be robots. Mostly I'd like to build robots that don't do anything except love you in an unconditional way, and I'd put them around our house so when people came over to hang out and drink wine, they'd be super impressed. I once wrote a poem about making robots, and this is how it goes:

How to Build a Robot

First, you need to get a big heart.
I recommend an elephant or a whale.
The bigger the heart the better.

Next come the arms.
Travel the world to find the arms.
If you see many things,
They'll become a part of you,
And that will go into your robot.

Next come the the legs.
You want very sturdy legs
So your robot can walk without you
And do all the things it is supposed to do.

You can give your robot a tail
If you want to.
Personally I always do.
I find it adds a touch of whimsy
And helps to keep expectations in check.

Now you know everything
You need to know about building a robot.
I hope you'll enjoy
The process of making yours. 

The way I see it, the biggest problem would be trying to get the veins and arteries to link up with the circuits and the pistons and also the gears. I like my robots to be more man than machine--if you know what I'm saying.   

Another thing I'd probably do in my garage would be pictures of Jesus. I'd like to do one where he looks like I see him when I put my hat over my face and try to take a nap. I see a close up of his face so you can only see one eye, half his nose, and part of his beard. A series of these could be pretty freaking sweet. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, there are probably all kinds of things I could make in my workshop, but before I can get this plan in motion, I have to wait for G to wake up from her nap. She's in the back of the car, and she's out cold. 

This is us at Venice Beach. Peace y'all.


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  1. Dave - great post, poem and picture.

    I'm sure this is too literal, but here are some links to people trying to create robots that seem empathetic.


  2. A. I. (the movie about artificial intelligence among other plot lines) has a boy robot programmed to love...but he doesn't grow up and go away and after awhile the flesh/human parents simply discard him/it. Your entry is a lot more soul-refreshing that the movie's A.I.

  3. Thanks, Sue. I didn't really like that movie. Maybe now I know why.